phew, that was a serious accomplishment. it makes teaching a lot easier when you know your students names... just sayin.
now... onward.
Dr. C came to visit me on friday, and she observed my first two classes, which are two of my better classes these days, the students are so relational and easy to teach to. but Dr. C told me something that really rocked me after i was done... she said that regardless of the students i have in each class, they all deserve the same lesson, they all deserve the same enthusiasm and interaction. just because they dont interact back, i dont have to let them control the whole dynamic of the class. wow. i NEVER realized that i didnt have to let my students dominate that aspect of teaching. ridiculous, i know. but i really never thought of that... so i went into my next period... which is definitely one that i have a harder time with, determined to give them all that i have my first two classes... and what do you know, it worked! it was so encouraging, it was one of the first times i walked out of that class actually feeling encouraged.
at the end of the day billy told me it was my best day yet, which was so good to hear, and dr. c was so encouraging as well. it's cool that she gets to come every week and see how things change from that perspective.
one more thing i realized; i am a perfectionist to the core. moreso than i ever thought possible.
a problem with being a perfectionist AND a teacher?? there is no such thing as a perfect teacher. no matter how much i work towards it i will never achieve perfection. i leave every day thinking about a million things i can do better and change. i leave defeated. it's a vicious cycle. and scary. and something i need to figure out how to get out of. i'm working on it...
i also realized that this perfectionistic mindset has so much to do with my own personal struggles and walk with Jesus. i know that i'll never be perfect. i'll never live up to the law. but that's why there is Jesus in the first place. i dont have to live up to the law because HE DID. it's already done. i look at myself and see ugly brokenness and worthlessness, and i know i dont deserve his sacrifice. i work towards making myself better (and perfect) when Jesus has already accepted me with all of my flaws. this in no way excuses me from sanctification in its entirety, but praise the Lord for GRACE! amen? the struggle inside of me, the hatred of that sin and ugliness is proof of my sanctification progress, and for that i am incredibly grateful... there is progress.
whoa dang long post. sorry :)
also... this is what i've been doing for the past 5 hours straight:
1 comment:
Isn't it crazy how much we tend to want rules? I find myself wanting a new set of rules for how to be a follower of Jesus - just so I can keep them and check them off. But it isn't about rules or law, it's about love! And the task of love I can never check off my list as completed. The fruit of the Spirit are never finished. This means that it is utterly impossible for us to live out this new life on our own. What a crazy thing!
I'm so glad you know all of their names! What a gift!
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