love? again? really?

i've been using the word "love" a lot lately... i "love" student teaching, i "love" my students, i "love" my Savior...
words mean something. in the past, i was incredibly careful with my words. it was hard for me to say "i love you" to anyone outside of my family really. that's not to say that when i say it now, i dont really mean it, that's definitely not what i'm getting at. but i think that an analogy dr. cooper gave us student teachers as we were starting this journey kind of fits here, so i'm going to tweak it to my liking to try to help explain myself :)

since i've come to CIU, and really, since i've begun to grow up. spiritually, physically, mentally... all of the above, i have gained a fuller realization of the love my savior has for me, and how consistently and graciously he's given it... so, when i say "i love..." i am realizing more and more what that actually means, i'm realizing the weight of that statement, i'm realizing that i do not love to the capacity that i know. in the chart, it shows that my knowledge of love (Godly, Agape, Christ-like love) has grown exponentially... which is awesome. knowing about my saviors love for me... incredible. i also know that this is the kind of love that he's called me to...as someone who is following him and wanting to be more like him, this is a reasonable thing... to want to love in the same way that i am being loved... as you can see in that chart... while i AM progressing... the more i progress, the more i realize and learn about His love for me, the two lines keep escalating... and sometimes one or the other escalates (more often it is the knowledge line that escalates, rather than the ability...unfortunately) to an extreme degree, and i feel like i'll never balance out. but i'm thinking that that is the whole point! why would we devote an entire lifetime to serving a God that we could eventually figure out? he wouldnt be God, and he wouldnt be worthy of that kind of servitude/adoration/love/commitment... if we could figure everything out about Him... right?

all of that to say, that sincerely, i am in Love with what i am doing (teaching the Bible, teaching in general, studying the word, gaining knowledge about my savior), and i am in Love with 90 high schoolers... but there is so much love in my heart for these things... too much. because Nicole Jones is selfish, and self-centered, and would rather sleep and watch tv than study, and would rather be in a place that is familiar and comfortable, and with close friends... but JESUS. Jesus in me is exploding with love for this experience. Jesus in me keeps me up at night wondering and thinking and praying about my students... Jesus in me wants more knowledge on what i'm studying so that i might actually be effective and say something worthwhile... something worth listening to me. praise the Lord that i am no longer a slave to myself, to my selfishness, to my self-centered heart. JESUS has conquered those things, and as long as i let him, he reigns in me. and for that i am incredibly thankful.

sorry... that was kind of random...
:)