process process process

In one of my earlier blogs I listed some things that I had learned
since student teaching had begun… most of the things on that list were
superficial and just kind of funny ☺

I’ve spent a lot of this time away reflecting and processing through
the past three months, and thanks to Justin…er… Mr. Ferren, I’m loving
making lists these days… hence; an updated list on what I’ve learned
through student teaching:

- high schoolers are really cool. Like. Really.
- I didn’t think it would be possible for me to love that many kids
all at once. Allowing Jesus to take over and overflow my heart with
love for my kids was the most overwhelming experiences of my life. And
I do love them. Every single one. More than I can even explain.
- The prospect of teaching through the divided kingdom seemed
impossible to me the first week of January. I knew very little about
it and there was so much to work through. at times it was incredibly
difficult… and challenging, and confusing; BUT! a better understanding
of the events within the divided kingdom has taught me so much; most
people look at the Divided Kingdom and they see brokenness, and
darkness, and ungodliness, and general messed-up-ness (what with all
the killing and idol worship and sacrificing babies…tearing open
pregnant womans bellies, constant ignorance…) but the Lord allowed me
to see his LOVE, his GRACE, his DELIVERANCE, his REDEMPTION… I needed
to see those things, I needed to learn about those things.
- skipping or skimming over the divided kingdom while studying the
bible as a whole is an awful decision, because when you learn what’s
in the divided kingdom, you understand the prophets better, when you
understand the prophets better, you understand Jesus’s life and
ministry better, when you understand that better, you fall more in
love with a Savior who sacrificed everything imaginable to be in
relationship with us. Ahhh, so good.
- if I am being completely transparent and honest, student teaching
was the one part of the program that I’m in that I was completely
dreading. I thought I was going to be awful at it, I thought it was
going to be really hard, I thought it was going to be really
discouraging, I hate (and really, I mean HATE) getting in front of
people, I was terrified of having to do that every single day. BUT,
the Lord is good (endlessly, consistently, relentlessly) and met me in
all of those inadequacies. Yes. There were definitely days that I
sucked, and there were days that I felt discouraged, and there were
times that I thought it was too hard, and I couldn’t keep going, and
there were days that I would be a complete nervous wreck… my voice
would shake, my hands would shake, I would forget to ask the right
questions… regardless, I loved every single minute of this experience,
I loved watching the Lord meet and guide and direct me in the moments
that my voice was shaking so bad I could hardly hear myself talk, in
the times that I felt so discouraged and worthless the Lord gave me a
moment with a student that turned my day around. The point is, it was
all of those things, but seeing the Lord meet me in the midst of it
and guide me and allow me to do this regardless of my short-comings
was the most incredible experience in my life to date.
- for the first time, I learned to function outside of brokenness and
depravity. Yes, it’s there, and yes, it’s good to be reminded that we
are NOT and that He IS, but as believers we are not called to operate
within those parameters… we are called to operate within the freedom
of God’s grace to us. He was given us life. An abundant life indeed,
and because of him we do not have to feel broken and worthless all of
the time. Good.
- When youre in school your entire life you think you know what it’s
like to be a teacher… kind of. But YOU DON’T. you have no idea.
- I love studying. I’m a total scoop. Usually I would study for about
5 or 6 hours a day, and I still felt like it wasn’t enough. Studying
in order to be able to teach something is completely different than
the studying we do in school. And I love it.

In all honesty I think I will be processing this time for a long time
coming… I’m a slow mover when it comes to working through big things
like this… this list will certainly grow over the years.

Overall, I learned more about the God of the Old Testament than I can
put into words, and I have fallen in love even more with the Savior
who has redeemed me and delivered me and shown me grace upon grace.
And I am humbled and in awe.

ps: i painted this based on my lesson on Jeremiah :)