Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
this is from Romans 12... in my version (ESV) the heading to this section of verses is labeled "Marks of a True Christian"
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
This is how we are to be set apart.
is my love always genuine? am i always hating evil and looking for the good, not only looking for it, but holding on to it for my life?
this is one that really got me. how often am i trying to outdo someone with honor???? sure i'll try to be funnier than someone else, i'll try to get a better grade, i'll try to be more sarcastic, i'll try to make more friends, i'll try to outdo someone in almost any way... but in HONOR?!? never have i approached a situation with that in my mind or on my heart.
and these are the marks of a true believer. of someone who is desperately seeking to love and glorify and follow their savior. that is what i want to be doing.
these verses kicked me in the tail this week. so i thought i'd share them.
officially this blog has nothing to do with student teaching anymore...
i have finished my (reallllly long) paper, my box is in order, and i'm turning everything in tomorrow morning. student teaching is behind me.
this week has had it's highs and lows (whoa dang, a lot of them)
but i am so thankful for this time to readjust to being back in columbia, and i am SO THANKFUL to be back in columbia. i am glad that the Lord gave me those two months in Rock Hill, but that's not where i'm supposed to be anymore, and I'm totally okay with that, and i'm looking forward to seeing how the Lord uses this next month to mold and shape my heart to be more like his... it's gonna be good.
i am content. amen.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
process process process
In one of my earlier blogs I listed some things that I had learned
since student teaching had begun… most of the things on that list were
superficial and just kind of funny ☺
I’ve spent a lot of this time away reflecting and processing through
the past three months, and thanks to Justin…er… Mr. Ferren, I’m loving
making lists these days… hence; an updated list on what I’ve learned
through student teaching:
- high schoolers are really cool. Like. Really.
- I didn’t think it would be possible for me to love that many kids
all at once. Allowing Jesus to take over and overflow my heart with
love for my kids was the most overwhelming experiences of my life. And
I do love them. Every single one. More than I can even explain.
- The prospect of teaching through the divided kingdom seemed
impossible to me the first week of January. I knew very little about
it and there was so much to work through. at times it was incredibly
difficult… and challenging, and confusing; BUT! a better understanding
of the events within the divided kingdom has taught me so much; most
people look at the Divided Kingdom and they see brokenness, and
darkness, and ungodliness, and general messed-up-ness (what with all
the killing and idol worship and sacrificing babies…tearing open
pregnant womans bellies, constant ignorance…) but the Lord allowed me
to see his LOVE, his GRACE, his DELIVERANCE, his REDEMPTION… I needed
to see those things, I needed to learn about those things.
- skipping or skimming over the divided kingdom while studying the
bible as a whole is an awful decision, because when you learn what’s
in the divided kingdom, you understand the prophets better, when you
understand the prophets better, you understand Jesus’s life and
ministry better, when you understand that better, you fall more in
love with a Savior who sacrificed everything imaginable to be in
relationship with us. Ahhh, so good.
- if I am being completely transparent and honest, student teaching
was the one part of the program that I’m in that I was completely
dreading. I thought I was going to be awful at it, I thought it was
going to be really hard, I thought it was going to be really
discouraging, I hate (and really, I mean HATE) getting in front of
people, I was terrified of having to do that every single day. BUT,
the Lord is good (endlessly, consistently, relentlessly) and met me in
all of those inadequacies. Yes. There were definitely days that I
sucked, and there were days that I felt discouraged, and there were
times that I thought it was too hard, and I couldn’t keep going, and
there were days that I would be a complete nervous wreck… my voice
would shake, my hands would shake, I would forget to ask the right
questions… regardless, I loved every single minute of this experience,
I loved watching the Lord meet and guide and direct me in the moments
that my voice was shaking so bad I could hardly hear myself talk, in
the times that I felt so discouraged and worthless the Lord gave me a
moment with a student that turned my day around. The point is, it was
all of those things, but seeing the Lord meet me in the midst of it
and guide me and allow me to do this regardless of my short-comings
was the most incredible experience in my life to date.
- for the first time, I learned to function outside of brokenness and
depravity. Yes, it’s there, and yes, it’s good to be reminded that we
are NOT and that He IS, but as believers we are not called to operate
within those parameters… we are called to operate within the freedom
of God’s grace to us. He was given us life. An abundant life indeed,
and because of him we do not have to feel broken and worthless all of
the time. Good.
- When youre in school your entire life you think you know what it’s
like to be a teacher… kind of. But YOU DON’T. you have no idea.
- I love studying. I’m a total scoop. Usually I would study for about
5 or 6 hours a day, and I still felt like it wasn’t enough. Studying
in order to be able to teach something is completely different than
the studying we do in school. And I love it.
In all honesty I think I will be processing this time for a long time
coming… I’m a slow mover when it comes to working through big things
like this… this list will certainly grow over the years.
Overall, I learned more about the God of the Old Testament than I can
put into words, and I have fallen in love even more with the Savior
who has redeemed me and delivered me and shown me grace upon grace.
And I am humbled and in awe.
ps: i painted this based on my lesson on Jeremiah :)
since student teaching had begun… most of the things on that list were
superficial and just kind of funny ☺
I’ve spent a lot of this time away reflecting and processing through
the past three months, and thanks to Justin…er… Mr. Ferren, I’m loving
making lists these days… hence; an updated list on what I’ve learned
through student teaching:
- high schoolers are really cool. Like. Really.
- I didn’t think it would be possible for me to love that many kids
all at once. Allowing Jesus to take over and overflow my heart with
love for my kids was the most overwhelming experiences of my life. And
I do love them. Every single one. More than I can even explain.
- The prospect of teaching through the divided kingdom seemed
impossible to me the first week of January. I knew very little about
it and there was so much to work through. at times it was incredibly
difficult… and challenging, and confusing; BUT! a better understanding
of the events within the divided kingdom has taught me so much; most
people look at the Divided Kingdom and they see brokenness, and
darkness, and ungodliness, and general messed-up-ness (what with all
the killing and idol worship and sacrificing babies…tearing open
pregnant womans bellies, constant ignorance…) but the Lord allowed me
to see his LOVE, his GRACE, his DELIVERANCE, his REDEMPTION… I needed
to see those things, I needed to learn about those things.
- skipping or skimming over the divided kingdom while studying the
bible as a whole is an awful decision, because when you learn what’s
in the divided kingdom, you understand the prophets better, when you
understand the prophets better, you understand Jesus’s life and
ministry better, when you understand that better, you fall more in
love with a Savior who sacrificed everything imaginable to be in
relationship with us. Ahhh, so good.
- if I am being completely transparent and honest, student teaching
was the one part of the program that I’m in that I was completely
dreading. I thought I was going to be awful at it, I thought it was
going to be really hard, I thought it was going to be really
discouraging, I hate (and really, I mean HATE) getting in front of
people, I was terrified of having to do that every single day. BUT,
the Lord is good (endlessly, consistently, relentlessly) and met me in
all of those inadequacies. Yes. There were definitely days that I
sucked, and there were days that I felt discouraged, and there were
times that I thought it was too hard, and I couldn’t keep going, and
there were days that I would be a complete nervous wreck… my voice
would shake, my hands would shake, I would forget to ask the right
questions… regardless, I loved every single minute of this experience,
I loved watching the Lord meet and guide and direct me in the moments
that my voice was shaking so bad I could hardly hear myself talk, in
the times that I felt so discouraged and worthless the Lord gave me a
moment with a student that turned my day around. The point is, it was
all of those things, but seeing the Lord meet me in the midst of it
and guide me and allow me to do this regardless of my short-comings
was the most incredible experience in my life to date.
- for the first time, I learned to function outside of brokenness and
depravity. Yes, it’s there, and yes, it’s good to be reminded that we
are NOT and that He IS, but as believers we are not called to operate
within those parameters… we are called to operate within the freedom
of God’s grace to us. He was given us life. An abundant life indeed,
and because of him we do not have to feel broken and worthless all of
the time. Good.
- When youre in school your entire life you think you know what it’s
like to be a teacher… kind of. But YOU DON’T. you have no idea.
- I love studying. I’m a total scoop. Usually I would study for about
5 or 6 hours a day, and I still felt like it wasn’t enough. Studying
in order to be able to teach something is completely different than
the studying we do in school. And I love it.
In all honesty I think I will be processing this time for a long time
coming… I’m a slow mover when it comes to working through big things
like this… this list will certainly grow over the years.
Overall, I learned more about the God of the Old Testament than I can
put into words, and I have fallen in love even more with the Savior
who has redeemed me and delivered me and shown me grace upon grace.
And I am humbled and in awe.
ps: i painted this based on my lesson on Jeremiah :)
Sunday, April 4, 2010
i couldnt stay away...
Luke 24
"...they went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood by them in dazzling apparel. And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen..."
a huge theme within my student teaching, and with my actual teaching/lessons has been the complacency we as believers begin to experience within our faith. we allow things to become mundane. we allow the Bible to become another book, and prayer to become something on another check list.
WE SERVE A SAVIOR WHO STRAIGHT UP ROSE HIMSELF FROM THE DEAD.
ok. phew. had to get that out.
helllllloooo. that is NOT MUNDANE. that is not average. that is not NORMAL.
"oh yea... easter sunday... Jesus rose from the grave today... awesome, let's find a church to go to..."
NO! (i mean, yes. going to church of course is good. but tomorrow is not just like any other sunday... stop acting like it's no big deal!!)
being a kid that grew up in a christian school (no joke. kindergarten through the top. yes. even grad school.) i have seen the Bible become just another book, and the truths and stories and life lessons within it become answers to a test, that you have to do well on so that your parents will be happy, or so that you can still play sports, or so that your other Bible college classmates wont judge you for not loving Jesus enough...
no only have i seen it happening around me. i have actively participated in it. i am guilty.
Jesus sacrificed everything. his own life. to live in RELATIONSHIP with us. and this is how i respond? by making his life something that is MUNDANE? something that is average, and hardly notable?
he bore our sins. not just ours, but of every single person to live. do you understand that? really. think about it. how many sins do you commit on an average day? 100 or so if youre being generous? at this moment there are 6,836,033,585 people on earth. that's just the people that are living right now. much less the people that have lived and died up until now. and the people that will live.
so... simple math. 100 sins a day x 365 days in a year = 36500 sins per year. the average life span is 80ish years = 2920000... i think you get the picture...
he bore every single last one of those. so that he could have a relationship with me. wow.
he died a painful, gruesome death. so that he could have a relationship with me. wow.
he defeated science. he defeated death. he walked out of a tomb. so that he could have a relationship with me. WOW. that is not mundane. that is not average.
THAT IS INCREDIBLE. that should move you. that should change your heart.
his word, the Bible, is not simply a book. it is a story of his love. of his grace. of his redemption. of his deliverance. of his wanting and pursuing a relationship with us. shame on us (me) for treating it so flippantly sometimes...
"...they went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood by them in dazzling apparel. And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen..."
a huge theme within my student teaching, and with my actual teaching/lessons has been the complacency we as believers begin to experience within our faith. we allow things to become mundane. we allow the Bible to become another book, and prayer to become something on another check list.
WE SERVE A SAVIOR WHO STRAIGHT UP ROSE HIMSELF FROM THE DEAD.
ok. phew. had to get that out.
helllllloooo. that is NOT MUNDANE. that is not average. that is not NORMAL.
"oh yea... easter sunday... Jesus rose from the grave today... awesome, let's find a church to go to..."
NO! (i mean, yes. going to church of course is good. but tomorrow is not just like any other sunday... stop acting like it's no big deal!!)
being a kid that grew up in a christian school (no joke. kindergarten through the top. yes. even grad school.) i have seen the Bible become just another book, and the truths and stories and life lessons within it become answers to a test, that you have to do well on so that your parents will be happy, or so that you can still play sports, or so that your other Bible college classmates wont judge you for not loving Jesus enough...
no only have i seen it happening around me. i have actively participated in it. i am guilty.
Jesus sacrificed everything. his own life. to live in RELATIONSHIP with us. and this is how i respond? by making his life something that is MUNDANE? something that is average, and hardly notable?
he bore our sins. not just ours, but of every single person to live. do you understand that? really. think about it. how many sins do you commit on an average day? 100 or so if youre being generous? at this moment there are 6,836,033,585 people on earth. that's just the people that are living right now. much less the people that have lived and died up until now. and the people that will live.
so... simple math. 100 sins a day x 365 days in a year = 36500 sins per year. the average life span is 80ish years = 2920000... i think you get the picture...
he bore every single last one of those. so that he could have a relationship with me. wow.
he died a painful, gruesome death. so that he could have a relationship with me. wow.
he defeated science. he defeated death. he walked out of a tomb. so that he could have a relationship with me. WOW. that is not mundane. that is not average.
THAT IS INCREDIBLE. that should move you. that should change your heart.
his word, the Bible, is not simply a book. it is a story of his love. of his grace. of his redemption. of his deliverance. of his wanting and pursuing a relationship with us. shame on us (me) for treating it so flippantly sometimes...
Thursday, April 1, 2010
over and out
it's finished. i'm done.
the relief that comes with that statement is so incredibly overpowered by the broken feeling in my heart.
i'm sitting in books-a-million, and tears are flowing down my cheeks as i think about everything that i'm leaving.
to my kids. you are my heart. you have been for the past two months. you have been my life. and you are the reason that i got up each morning. teaching you has been the most incredible experience of my life. you have taught me more than i could ever hope to teach you. you have shown me how to be a better teacher, and that it's possible for Jesus to love so many people at once through my heart. i didnt think i could do it, i didnt think it would be possible.
i cannot wait to see what you are like when you are grown up. i cannot wait to see what you all become, and how He uses you in this world. i cannot wait to say "i knew them, i got to hang out with them for two months and teach them and love them and know them..."
i wish i could sum up this experience in a short, concise and sensible way. but there is too much. my heart is full, and my heart is broken. broken for the call that the Lord has allowed me to pursue, and full from the realization that i get to do it. broken for the students i'm leaving in rock hill, and full from the opportunity i've had to know them. broken for the million other things i can learn in order to become a better teacher, and full from what i've learned in this short amount of time...
i love you. i mean it. i'll think about you for the rest of my life, i'll pray for you, i'll miss you and our time together. every day.
thank you for letting me know you. thank you for opening your hearts to me. thank you for loving me. thank you...
the relief that comes with that statement is so incredibly overpowered by the broken feeling in my heart.
i'm sitting in books-a-million, and tears are flowing down my cheeks as i think about everything that i'm leaving.
to my kids. you are my heart. you have been for the past two months. you have been my life. and you are the reason that i got up each morning. teaching you has been the most incredible experience of my life. you have taught me more than i could ever hope to teach you. you have shown me how to be a better teacher, and that it's possible for Jesus to love so many people at once through my heart. i didnt think i could do it, i didnt think it would be possible.
i cannot wait to see what you are like when you are grown up. i cannot wait to see what you all become, and how He uses you in this world. i cannot wait to say "i knew them, i got to hang out with them for two months and teach them and love them and know them..."
i wish i could sum up this experience in a short, concise and sensible way. but there is too much. my heart is full, and my heart is broken. broken for the call that the Lord has allowed me to pursue, and full from the realization that i get to do it. broken for the students i'm leaving in rock hill, and full from the opportunity i've had to know them. broken for the million other things i can learn in order to become a better teacher, and full from what i've learned in this short amount of time...
i love you. i mean it. i'll think about you for the rest of my life, i'll pray for you, i'll miss you and our time together. every day.
thank you for letting me know you. thank you for opening your hearts to me. thank you for loving me. thank you...
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