life as a student teacher is kind of like a balancing act...
balancing time; time to write lessons, time to grade papers, time to rest, time to get ready, time to get to school, time to leave school...
balancing people; your students, how much you let them in, how much you give to them, your cooperating teacher, letting them pour into you, letting them know you so that they can help you.
your host family, knowing how to fit them in with all of the other things youre already juggling around... your friends back at ciu, keeping them updated, and involved even from an hour and a completely different life away... your family, wherever they may be. regardless of where i live i will always be a jones, and they (the rest of those jones') want to stay informed as well, and i want them informed.
it's not even just about me, and keeping them updated on me... but i would love to know about them (as we've already covered, i love knowing my students), and i love knowing my friends in columbia, and i love knowing my family...
all of this to say... i'm not such a talented juggler... i am very easily wrapped up and distracted in the here and now. my students are who i see every day, and honestly, they get a majority of my heart. my lessons are what i do every day, so they get a majority of my time during the week. grading and studying comes along with that territory... i live with my host family (obviously) so i see and interact with them daily as well... billy observes and watches me teach every day, he gets a lot of my attention... because he can actually help me get better!
i'm starting to feel disconnected to things that were incredibly important to me two months ago, and it's making my heart hurt... and a little confused. because i am incredibly happy and content with where i am, but i long for columbia and home all at the same time...
how human of me to long for the things in this world that make me comfortable and happy all in the same place...
i think this goes back to what i said a few blogs back... in my heart, i need to learn to differentiate the loving Jesus well over the loving others well... because as i learn to love Jesus well, i will stop looking for that feeling of contentedness in other places... and the balancing act will fade, he is it. he is everything. there is no balancing. just Jesus.
1 comment:
Remember that Jim Elliot quote? "Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."
Are we or are we not where God wants us to be? (we are, duh)
And I think that means it's ok for us, for a time, to focus on this. Remember that it's impossible to do all these things (selective living). It's impossible to be the same kind of friend and daughter you were last semester, just like friendships in college are different than high school. That's ok.
Just KNOW that God has called you here for this season for this time. It's ok to focus on these students, it's ok to be distant from Columbia. You have to be. If the Holy Spirit lives in you (which he does), you can trust that He'll stop you when you go too far. :)
Rest, Nicole. Rest
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